I have heard a lot of people working with me over the years talk about their lack of confidence. This is rather usual. While confidence is related to our actions, self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves. Again, consider the word “self-confidence.”. Self-confidence implies a basic challenge or work and reflects a great trust in oneself. Saying we are confident in our skills usually means we are competent. We believe in our capacity; we know we can accomplish what is required, behave appropriately in particular situations, and get beyond particular challenges. From personal experience, I can say that low self-esteem almost makes confidence impossible.
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Working with a woman who naturally gifted for her field of work was a delight as a legal secretary. She started working for a company where the senior partners saw right away her intelligence, diligence, and conscientiousness after completing her legal training.
After three years in her former job, one of the company’s top partners advised her to apply for the post of legal team office manager when it opens. She managed the office rather well already. She was deserving of the position, so the partner wanted her to apply. The offer surprised the woman, and she decided not to even consider applying for the job because she believed she was unqualified. She would tell herself that she was unworthy, that anyone could have done the same thing, and that one of her business partners would finally see through her façade; she had a knack for finding reasons to discount compliments. She just did not apply, then. Indeed, quite amazing. I know you know someone like this.
I worked for the Independent National newspaper in central London in younger years. Recently, the Mirror group moved from Canary Wharf in Docklands, London, to new quarters in a rather different area of the city. With Samantha, his PA, the managing director handled the relocation personally rather than depending on a qualified project manager.
She had excelled academically, felt at ease in her own skin, worked her second job, and advanced through the secretarial ranks to serve the medical doctor as personal assistant. She was generally game to help with anything that seemed out of the ordinary. The doctor was in an automobile accident the day before the scheduled office relocation, requiring a night off and later rehabilitation. Samantha’s great participation led another director to approach her and ask whether she would be ready to supervise the move. Though she was a little anxious, she agreed without thinking twice since the MD had a cell phone she could use in case of an emergency and most of the plans were familiar to her.
I bring this up since those examples draw attention to the differences between the two people. Samantha knew she could handle the last-minute chore, so she had a cooler attitude and more self-assurance than the woman in my first example. This helped her to boldly accept it.
Samantha believed in herself, but the first woman mentioned thought poorly of herself and hence was less competent. Then where do you stand? I ask you to consider and answer these questions? Are you able to accept compliments right away without discounting, mentally qualifying, or avoiding them?Ever worry about someone maybe finding you? Without second thought, could you list five to ten qualities about yourself that you value? Just do it right now. When someone asks you to try something different that you have never done before, how do you answer—inside as well as outside?
Avoid rushing through this; it helps to have the answers noted both in your head and on paper. Given your answers, how would you then define yourself? Of the person you are, are you pleased? Have you come to find satisfaction in really accepting your self? Do you find yourself self-critiquing? After you’ve applied these approaches and techniques, I advise you to again jot them down so you may compare and contrast your responses. Now let’s get right to the tactics and strategies.
Basically, all it takes to welcome a compliment is to say “Thanks.” Is it not quite difficult? Remember a compliment someone has given you, no matter how small it seems. Practice it in your mind, then repeat it—better still, repeat it aloud to yourself—then say, “Thanks.” Experiment with several facial expressions, accents, vocal tones, and mannerisms to find what is most natural and what works best for you.
You should push yourself beyond your comfort zone and give this your all. Spend several times practicing this. I still believe that practicing this in front of a mirror would be a great idea for you, regardless of how weird it feels. Then, keep your cool the next time someone compliments you; there will be plenty of those regardless of your past reaction trying to surface. Either way, be aware of what you achieved and just say, “Thank you.” Your brain will pick up the new response as you keep doing this and begin to act automatically.
My glory. What would you prefer—not knowing anyone else? Spend some time asking yourself this question and then give a thorough and honest answer. Most people just want for others not to have bad impressions of them or their abilities. This kind of anxiety usually results from worrying about what could happen in the future instead of emphasising present events.
It’s time to face reality. Regarding their own professionalism or beauty, these people usually feel inadequate. You should observe the people around you who seem content and happy; you will find that competence and happiness have no bearing on one another. These two are unrelated. At the same time, one should see couples in any public place to understand how subjective beauty is. Try posing these two insightful questions if you still find it difficult to understand why you are obsessing needlessly:
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Alright, get that piece of paper or diary you used to monitor your self-esteem. We talked about this earlier briefly, but I would like you to tell me everything you enjoy about yourself. Some people find physical traits like a crooked smile, dimples in the cheeks, straight morals, honesty, or a simple approach with words appealing. Here, anything is possible. Kindly keep working on this list and updating it. Exercises at the logical level you completed at the beginning of the programme will help you compare this list. Reflecting on your surroundings, values, beliefs, skills, behaviour, and identity will help you find more and more things on many different levels that support your own identity. Think on these facets of yourself on a level particular to each. Make a clear spot in which to keep this list so you can quickly consult it and recall what it contains.
Many of us have a terrible reaction of anxiety when confronted with something different. Something fresh! Oh no! < If you choose to respond in such way, kindly be as exact as possible when outlining the worst-case situations. If it will help, really describe them or note them down. Sometimes this is enough to persuade you that your worries are either completely unfounded or perhaps quite unrealistic. Obviously, they must be. Should the worst strike, though, think about how you will react and overcome it. Now think of someone you know who might be able to overcome it. From what particular actions would they engage? Their approach would be: Thus, instead of allowing your fear to hide inside you, face it squarely and learn to manage it. Usually, applying even one of these techniques will help to reduce the nervousness. Should it fail, it could be appropriate to rely on your gut feeling.
